I AM Radio: Embracing Contradiction with Jean Franzblau

This week, Kacie and Katie "cuddle up" with Jean Franzblau, a woman who boldly embraces contradiction in her exploration of pleasure and power. 

Jean is the Founder of the Cuddle Sanctuary, an Intimacy Professional for TV, film, and theater, a Speaker on consent and sex-positive education, a Writer, and a Performer. 

We had the pleasure (this description will be riddled with puns, so strap in or on!) of meeting Jean last year through a mutual friend in the "film biz." We said, "The intersection of pleasure and power..." and she said, "Jean." After our first call, she enthusiastically signed on to the I AM Docuseries.

In this conversation, Jean leads us through her personal story and lived experience as she always does - with vulnerability and humor. And what's a good story without a little drama?! Theater drama that is. Jean shares how her work with PLEASURE has enabled her to step into her POWER and bring her most recent project to life -  "My Mother Doesn't Know I'm Kinky," a show written and performed by Jean herself!

Together - in 31 minutes - we discuss taboos, trauma, consent, creative outlets, healing, the power of community, middle-of-the-night wake-ups to question every decision we've ever made, drowning out the noise, betting on yourself, and JOY. 

Press play on this week's episode of I AM Radio: Embracing Contradiction with Jean Franzblau. We promise you'll be glad you came. 😉

Follow Jean here:

Jean's Website: https://www.jeanfranzblau.com/

My Mother Doesn't Know I'm Kinky: https://mymotherdoesntknow.com/

Help Jean Take her Story to the Stage: Support the Campaign

The Cuddle Sanctuary: https://cuddlesanctuary.com/

Join The Sexual Bucket List Workshop: https://onlinetraining.cuddlesanctuary.com/courses/bucket-list-workshop-identify-your-turn-ons-in-four-simple-steps

This is an IT ALL Media Production. If you like what you hear, follow along at ITALLMedia.co and @itallmedia on Instagram and TikTok.

We are a women-centered media company rewriting the narrative on modern womanhood through story and collaboration.

We're glad you're here.

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to I Am Radio. I'm your cohost, Kacie Lett Gordon. And I'm your other- one might say better- half, Katie Louise Mullins. We are the creators of the beloved FIA Podcast and the women behind IT ALL Media. Join us every Thursday for your weekly dose of I AM Radio. We'll be joined by fellow creatives, experts, organizers, powerful women in media, and our favorite of all, real women as we chronicle, our journey as two first time entrepreneurs turned filmmakers. With that, cue the dancing hot dogs and concession ads. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. We are back, my friends. This week we are talking about some things that are riddled with taboo and shame, and most people are terrified to put their fingers on, and we are jumping in with both feet. Um, this week we are joined by Jeanne Franz Blau, and she is I mean, we are gonna talk about pleasure, we're gonna talk about power, we're gonna talk about the connectivity of the both of those. And I don't know about you all, and we'll learn about it more in this episode, I did not realize how connected the two of those were. And so as we delve into this. Jean is one of our series experts on the Pleasure episode for the I Am Docu series. And I'm not, I'm going to argue she probably will be a main character in some capacity because the, the stories of her as a creator and the work she does, I think is going to be center stage. So with that, I'm going to stop chit chatting. I'm going to turn the floor over to my gracious co host Katie Louise Mullins and our guest today, Jean. Thank you for being here. I'm so glad. The timing is perfect. I need the courage of community now. I woke up this morning feeling Scared and I'm like, I need to talk to the scared part because we're doing bold things and I can't ignore the scared part, but this really helps me. I already feel better. Thank you for inviting me to be here. Oh, your timing can be better because I feel like Casey and I need this conversation just as badly. So I'm so excited to dive in. Um, I think Jean really, we would just love to hear. First from you, a little bit about your work, who you are, some of your journey to get here. If you wouldn't mind just kind of walking us through some of that, because I know your story is so inspiring to Casey and I. Thank you so much. So one thing I do is I'm the founder of Cuddle Sanctuary. So I care deeply about consent and people getting tender, loving care because I need it on the regular to feel baseline well. So I brought that in because I needed it. And now. I'm celebrating 10 years, uh, in the fall. I'm also an intimacy. Thank you. I'm also an intimacy professional for TV, film, and theater. And so I help performers find safety in their work when they're doing their most brave, uh, scenes, which may include nudity, simulated sex, and other things, you know, that are intimate. How do we do that in this high pressure environment that is, uh, steeped? in cultural norms of toxicity in some cases, many. So how do we do that? And, uh, I speak at universities about sexuality at times, which is, uh, such an honor. And what's on top for me right now is I'm the writer and performer of a show called My mother doesn't know I'm kinky. So that's a sexy story filled with drama and comedy, love and lust. And it asks this question, or it answers the question, how does a mother react to the fact that her very good daughter is into BDSM? And it's coming out with that, that is blowing my mind right now and demanding a great deal of courage and community now. So much of your work, what strikes me, and this is one of our values at our company, is it embraces contradiction. Yes! Cuddles, sanctuary, like those two words, I don't, I wouldn't put together, right, I think sanctuary, this religious experience, but when you are pouring TLC into someone, that is a religious experience, that is a spiritual experience. It's incredibly deep. Uh, I have worked with a client who it took him a while to even have the courage to step into the cuddle cottage, so to speak. And, and what he did the moment he stepped in was weep. He wept for his earlier self who had so much trauma and week in and week out, that's pretty much, it was all water. It was all seawater with so much grief that I got to be present for him. What an honor, sacred. And the stories began to evolve and get older. There were other stories of trauma that were creeping into older. And then one day he came in and he was feeling the feelings and he spoke about something that had happened at work that touched his heart, but broke his heart. And I'm like, are we current? And it was not too long later that he felt done. That's incredible. I mean, I'm not the only, I mean, that person evolved. invested so much in his own healing, but there was something sacred happening there. And I got to be, I got to be there again with that embracing contradiction. So one of my personal values is vulnerability. And I've never realized how much being vulnerable makes me feel in my power. And how much that journey has, has truly been, I mean, again, talk about embracing contradiction. It really, it feels like with vulnerability, we learn how to really step in and tap into our own power. And I think so much of what you do with your work around pleasure and, and again, those, those intense vulnerabilities help us feel most powerful. To be able to. talk about sex in front of groups of strangers takes a certain kind of mental capacity. And it is, I love the word you used earlier with, you know, that, that y'all use taboo. How do I hold myself centered and grounded when I'm doing something that I've sort of been trained, I might be kicked out of the clan for, and therefore die. I mean, this is a biological fear that I'm having to center myself and work with. So I need all the resources for wellbeing right now. Some of the things that Katie and I've come to know over the past few years of doing this work, and we talk a lot about, it was the Dobbs leak in 2022 that pivoted a lot of our work into women's health, wellness, pleasure, and pleasure for us became a tacked on part of the conversation initially, but it really is such a central part of the conversation. It's not an afterthought because when we start to look and again, these are two individuals who, you know, I would argue have healthy ish relationship with sex. I'm not going to say it's the healthiest we've done our work, but you know, mid thirties, one of us partnered, one of us, um, go, you know, single at the time we were working through in a lot of different intersections or nuances of our respective lives. And. It was like, we said that we'd probably tried more in a year, everything from period products to pleasure conversations than we had in the 30 plus years prior, simply by being brave enough to, to learn about this. It was something we were met with, um, the CEO of Vela Bioscience and she, or maybe it was the CMO at the time, but she was saying to us, she said, we are so ambitious in so many areas of our lives. But somehow when you ask a woman about her sex life or her relationship with pleasure, okay, and I put that in giant air quotes. is an acceptable answer. Where else in her life would she take that as as good as it's going to get? Hmm. It's a hopelessness, I think. Completely. I have, I have felt hopeless in this area of my life. Um, each phase of my life brings its new opportunities and challenges, but each phase is saddled with patriarchy and each phase is saddled with the hatred of the feminine, the way I've experienced it. And so how do I not only grow and learn with this, with each new phase, but then tackle or fight off or fend off or defend myself from the shit the culture is saying about me as a woman growing into her. I'm 53 now and I am gonna dare talk about sex and how it, much it means to me? How dare I? The culture says shut it down, bitch. Completely. I will not be quiet. When did your reckoning start? And I, I, we, you know, you have a lifelong relationship as any of us do with pleasure and with the patriarchy and with sex and taboo, but I want to know like when the rumbling and the reckoning started. It started with a breakup that was overdue. Um, I kept writing in my journal that I wanted to be separate, but I was so deeply enmeshed with the person that I didn't dare. Say it out loud. The person left the country for a while for a vacation and I started therapy and that's all I needed. I was like, gather the strength, I'm going to do this. And so that breakup was excruciating, buckets of tears. But it took a couple of years for me to realize he'd sexually assaulted me. I didn't even know what it was. And so that story is told with a great amount of trauma informed, a trauma informed approach. I share that story in the show. It's an important part of the show because once the tears and, and the learnings started to come, so did I, um, at the time I thought I had, I had, I was diagnosed with vaginismus, which is an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor, making intercourse. Painful. And I thought that sex was done for me and that my pussy was broken. And after I broke it off and did some grieving and took a lover, the vaginismus was gone. That is not everybody's story. Some people, it will take a long time to approach their wound. But I guess I got that particular story so I can tell it in such a stark contrast, that I was harmed, my body responded appropriately, and I was able to carve that person out of my life and find my healing. So then I pulled out my sexual bucket list. Yes. I gave myself permission to try and wonder and hope and found myself in ridiculous scenarios and trying this and that and I've got stories of, oh, if I, I'm not going to be a grandma cause I don't have kids, but I'm, oh, I, oh, auntie Jean's going to have stories to tell in her 80s. So one of the things that Katie and I've started to realize is this connection between power and pleasure. And you talked about both in past conversations and you mentioned it at the beginning of this episode around the conversation of consent. And I see consent as well as self advocacy so interconnected. And I think about the most vulnerable places I've ever been, whether that's conversations with myself about what I want, like, dislike, um, In the bedroom with a partner or in the boardroom, right? Like you feel so on display and you're advocating for yourself and your needs and your wants. And so we've seen in our own just relationship with understanding this and peeling back the layers as we step more into knowing ourselves and pleasure. I love the broader definition of like, just what do you find pleasurable? Doesn't always through the lens of sex, but it's like, what is joyful and pleasurable in life? Yeah. And then being able to say, I'm going to advocate for that. And I'm going to create boundaries and I'm going to create, I'm going to demand or command consent around those things. That felt so. Interconnected. And also to your point around the patriarchy and its tentacles in so many parts of our lives. It's, it's not shocking to me that we put women in power and women in pleasure in the same bucket of taboo. So I love what you're saying. So case in point, I have been working towards opening up to bring more lovers in my life. The taboo of that, the self recrimination that goes along with it, the shaming, the self shaming that happens as I tiptoe towards these things are pretty profound. But as I began saying yes to myself, just in the past few weeks, as I, the floodgates of my sexual energy began to really flow, that is when I decided to make a, to take a 27, 000 risk. To take my show to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this summer, to perform in front of hundreds and maybe even a couple thousand people, to bring cultural change using storytelling, which we love, to that platform, to the world's stage. Coincidence? I think not. Can I just, first of all, I thought, I mean, again, being a creative and putting yourself out there in this space and how you exist in this, can you talk a little bit about the show that you created and how that was kind of an expression of all the work that you've been doing? Yeah. Um, yeah, so after, After I began to reclaim, um, my sexual sovereignty, after I began to say, yes, like, this matters to me, I don't care what the culture says, it matters to me, I began to explore and try stuff, and I just, Alice in Wonderland's rabbit hole opened up when I attempted something kinky. I, with that first experience, Well, I just had no idea what was coming in terms of how I was going to feel. Feelings I had no reason to believe I had ever had access to, didn't even know what it was. But I do know this. I came and I wept. It was nothing short of what I would consider a spiritual experience. So I started writing about it because I'm a journal writer. And then I started taking those writings to a writing class. And then I hired somebody very talented to work with me for two years. To develop the show and at the time it was called coming out kinky and it was very much bookended by conversations with my mom But only as I started to rewrite it in the past 18 months that I realized how important that intergenerational conversations about sex or the lack thereof is doing harm to our daughters And it's do it did harm to me, did harm to my mama, probably did harm to grandma. And so now we get to talk about that and approach that. Why the silence? And so one of the phrases like, sorry, go ahead, case. No, go ahead. Usually Katie and I was together. So this is us having to do the tiptoe back and forth of who gets the back and forth of volley. So one of the things that Casey and I say all the time is when we live boldly, we invite others to do the same. And I think so much about your journey and the trauma that you've personally been through and how that informs, honestly, this rebirth, um, of such feminine energy and, and then your ability to not only then, like, have that for yourself, but the urge to want to own that and share that with the world and bring others with you, I think, is one of the many things One of the many beautiful and wonderful things about you, um, but what's so inspiring and why we obviously want you to be an expert, uh, on the I am docu series because of your gift and, and using creativity and, and your talent and skill set there to even put it into a show format to help others with their personal experiences and creating Cuddle Sanctuary, I just, Again, this is, I, I'm always awestruck when I hear you speak about your story and, and just, again, the ability to, to personally overcome, um, and still continue to work on that. I mean, you say that there's still these stories that you're rewriting in your head, um, but then to welcome others in on that journey with you. Thank you so much for saying that. It's what I needed today. Uh, I had been starting this week to wake up in the middle of the night going, what have I done? Um, what, what investment, what did I just commit to? Um, and also I, sometimes I wake up and think I'm going to say what in front of whom? Um, what? And, and then I'm going to add to it. How do I stay safe? Not just physically, which is the number one concern. Of course. But energetically, spiritually, like, and so gathering. Gathering my safety is a part of this, that I'm not doing it alone. Um, I'm putting together a campaign, I'm sure you can feel me, uh, fundraising. And, and I felt naked and exposed. It's just the idea of saying, Hey everybody, Jean here. Please send me thousands of dollars. No, I need a team. So now I have a campaign team. And I have people who love me and who are still looking at what I'm putting out there. To make sure that the message is what is true, that it's not just the ego gene show. In fact, yes, I'm going to have fun. That's part of the pleasure I like performing. So yes, I get to have fun and there's themes here that are important for all. Why do I talk about sex when, uh, our environment is crumbling? That's weird for me. How dare I take myself to Scotland on an airplane? It's weird and hard to reconcile all that's going on in the world and where my heart is directing me. So I just have to trust that others are working on problems, I'm gonna work on this one. And if nothing else, and this is a bit like Maybe shadowy, but if we're all going down, like, let's, let's go down, like, giving our best, showing ourselves as our best and our most courageous as we slide down the Titanic. Maybe that's what's happening, but I'm gonna, but I'm gonna keep doing my best. Well, and it's where you're most in your power as well. I think that just what you just said around there's so many big issues to be tackled in the world. Who am I? Who are we? To pick this one thing. Is our effort spent better somewhere else? Is that adding to noise? This is a conversation that when I say has come up at least a dozen times over the past month with just different women We're meeting and I think that I think that everyone is feeling the heaviness and the weight of the world right now But especially at least the women in our circle Maybe it's the feminine energy. Maybe it's the deep empath so that we surround ourselves with but there's a heaviness of just You know, how do you keep your own light burning when it feels like the world is trying to dampen out our collective light? And what we, what we know to be true is that for instance, your work, I can look to that and pull some light from that. And so I may not feel the light in the environmental undoing of our world right now or in the next presidential election or in whatever else, but if I can find light here, then that fills my light up a little bit. And it's this idea of sustainable and sustaining our ability to, to show up and being able to find the pockets that we get to do that. And so I, the minute I start questioning myself of who are we, I then look to people, individuals like you and say, well, if Jane feel or, you know, Jean feels, who is she to do that? I, I need her work. So somebody, hopefully somewhere. Needs ours. Thank you. You know, there's something you said where I, my mind just went, Oh, so here it is. We are lighting ourselves up from within with what we're passionate about. We're on fire in the world for this. I think that is priming us so that if there is a wave of some other message or some other opportunity to lead, we will be right there and ready because we will be lit up and empowered. So it's almost like we're pilot lighting and now all these lights and all of a sudden whoosh. So yeah, this is making sense. I mean, if there's an opportunity for some big shift and change, which is what you are, the whole purpose of what you're doing, whether it happens here or else, or we will be fucking ready. Yeah. That's it. I just want that to be the mantra for today. I would say that's the title of the episode. That's the title of we're fucking ready. Um, I think that we would, uh, you know, Obviously this started the IM Radio as a behind the scenes look at creating this series, and you just mentioned fundraising. We have been, whew, we've been in that slog, baby. It's, it is like the nightmare of like standing in front of your high school auditorium naked, but like every day and knowing that that's what you're dreaming and continuing to show up and doing it. So I, I deeply feel that. Um, I'm curious when we, when we met. If you could talk to our audience about what was resonant about the series and specifically whether it's the pleasure episode or, you know, it's in its mission in its entirety. That's something we want to hear from our collaborators on because I think it's hearing your why might be different than ours, but it might resonate with somebody somewhere. Got it. So, given that it all started with fuck it all, from the moment I heard the phrase fuck it all, which is you know what I feel like is the beginning moments of this whole movement for you both. I always heard it as something different than, than I think you wrote it. Fuck it all in your definition was this it all thing. I can't have it all. Fuck that whole paradigm. For me, I heard it as blow it all up. I heard it as we need both disrupt and the fact that you use the word. Fuck. In your podcast title, of course, you're working around that, you know, and all the different ways you need to, to get things done. And now it's different, you know, now, uh, it has its new title or updated, um, approach. The combination of your talents and the C suite type of talents. With these women are ready to disrupt. I was like, they might be able to do it. So that was what turned me on. And I was, I was recommended to you by the most talented Atlanta based creator, Aaron Stegman. And. I pay attention. You know how there are certain people in your life that are opinion leaders? I, whatever she tells me to do. And that bitch is telling me to get on TikTok. Oh no. Y'all are on it, I think. I, I just have to. We are, and I agree with her. Your content, it would, yep, it's, yeah. It needs to be there. Somebody's gotta help me. Somebody's gotta help. Something's gotta shift in my attitude or in my support team because it feels like the moment is now. And, uh, we are big advocates of who not how So who can we get to? Just capture your, your talent and then do that posting bit for you because it's hard out there. Thank you. I have, you know, you had said something earlier about the noise. Are we part of the noise? and the pressure that I'm supposed to feel to be out there on Instagram. I'm like, I cannot participate in noise. Can I? Do I have to? And so I'm trying to really, I'm sort of countering what I said a moment ago, like I have to do it. I'm trying to say, Jean, when it's the question, I just got something valuable. The question is who not, you know, but, um, to be really. Refined in how I message and when I choose to so that I'm not noise, I'm wisdom, I'm not noise, I'm truth, uh, and that's not going to follow somebody's demand of me participating in their algorithm necessarily. True. But. Your authenticity lends itself to that and I think the communities that need you will find you and I think that you never know exactly like I think when Casey and I first started off with the podcast, I think we thought it had to be a podcast and it had to be in the most like traditional sense of like, okay, this is this is our thing and we build a community here and we maybe put ads in because that's how we make money and sustain our community. You know, ability to pay our bills. Um, and it turned out to not be the thing at all. It turned out to be grounded theory research, which led us to coaching, which led us to more conversations with women, which led us to stages. And so the podcast is really the foundation, how we stay close to the problem in the community, but it's not, uh, it's not at all like how society said a podcast should be. So I think if you, you know, I think that goes for every channel out there where we're just. It's not noise if it's coming from a place of, uh, helping people with education, awareness, whatever it might be, uh, or inviting them in in a joyful way. It's joy in the form of activism. Well, what I am heartened by, by you both, is This idea of learning in public, I didn't understand what you meant, but this is happening right now. I'm saying, I don't know. And that's okay. And maybe that's exciting because how could I possibly know how this is going to unpack or unfold? How can I? Is, is that what you meant when you say learning in public? It's exactly, exactly. Come completely. And I think for us is there, there was a very decisive moment where we had to say, we have to be willing to publicly. Declare we do not know because so many of the the models of known success are you show up as the expert or to Katie's point you become what is the model for a successful podcast and we just knew that we were like pulling this thread of something that was really exciting to us individually probably selfishly creatively right it was feeding us in that way and we said okay well what happens if we just allow others to watch us unfold in this. And I look back at every environment I've been in, whether it's professionally or personally or family or relationship wise, that has never been the model for what is deemed good or successful to just show up and say, I'm going to do something I enjoy for ourselves. And I don't know the outcome and I can't answer these things, but I'm going to keep doing it and trusting it all the, the, the logic. And again, I put in air quotes, um, doesn't say to do that. The, the masculine energy, the step one foot in front of the other, the patriarchy, the professional settings we occupy. And so I think, you know, it's for us, that's what learning in public has been. It's a willingness to say, we don't know, but we're going to keep going and allow it to reveal itself. And every time we have, it doesn't get easier. Every time we have something really beautiful reveals itself. But of course, we'll, you know, crash and burn in the corner and cry for a while, sometimes. But I think that's it leading with vulnerability. If you can show up in those spaces and be willing to be that knowing that it's all going to be okay, and you're in a safe place, then the reason you saw me sort of jerk around like this is because I just read Eve Ensler's book, The Apology. She calls herself V now for now I understand why. Um, and she, she did her best using her creative mind to get as deep as she could into the patriarchal mind. of her father, the toxic, the most toxic version of it. And, and it was all in, we have nothing to learn. We are only those who know in, in the stoic way, you must never question us. Um, and so this is itself a feminine A brave and feminine approach and such that there's a humbleness to it and a permission giving to it because I hold you both in such high esteem and that these badass bitches can say they don't know, then maybe I'm okay here. Right back at you, Jean. Right back at you. This is the sampling of what the docuseries is going to be bringing to life. I love the fact that today's conversation centered at the intersection of pleasure and power. I love that we found you in your own. Rebirth of this project and of your mission. And please keep us posted on Scotland and taking this show on the road. And we have, you know, very selfish visions of activations where you are performing this piece alongside the series that we're creating. And we are just so grateful that you are a part of this community, that you are a dear friend to us and that we get to collaborate. I'm feeling really, really touched because I feel like you just gave me the who. Thank you. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time on I am radio. This was another incredible conversation. And I think if you are go over to YouTube or social or wherever you visually see us, you will see us all welled up right now with a lot of love and a lot of gratitude. And also we'll include links for Jean in the cuddle sanctuary and anywhere that you can find and follow her work.